Charis - Grace: It really is amazing.

I've had a fresh revelation of just what grace is over the last few weeks. I saw my sin from the perspective of time...I looked back over my shoulder and thought, 'Wow. God did that through me when I was like that?!'


Contrary to what I always believed, God used me in my brokenness to build His kingdom. I climbed the mountain with dirty hands and an impure heart, yet He welcomed me anyway.




I thought I had to get myself sorted out before I could do great things for Him. Now I know that, although He wants me holy as He is holy, it's not about being perfect before we can get to work.

I can't fix myself anyway.

That's where grace comes in.

I like what Zodiates dictionary says:

"Grace is the absolutely free expression 

of the loving kindness of God to men

 finding its only motive

 in the bounty and benevolence of the Giver."

It's about God's loving kindness, not my goodness or obedience or holiness. Sure God loves it when I'm walking in His ways, but even when I'm not, He's still full of overflowing grace.

My righteousness, or lack of it, doesn't attract or repel His grace. Grace flows from who He is, not from what I've done.

Trying to be perfect so God can use me is a slippery slope to false righteousness. It's so easy to put on the mask and be all smiles, like I've got it all together, when beneath it all is the messy truth that doesn't seem to go away despite my best efforts.


Yet Grace sees the sin beneath the mask, and loves me anyway.

Grace sees the Son beneath the sin, and says, 'I already paid the price for this. Walk in your freedom.'

Should I therefore go on sinning so His grace can abound more and more? Of course not. That's not the point.

The point is that I stepped back and looked at the last 12 years of my life, saw all that God did despite my sin, despite my brokenness, and I was humbled that He would use this fragile jar of clay to help build a Kingdom that will endure forever. Somewhere in that Kingdom I've placed a ruby here, a golden brick there, a sapphire gem somewhere else. Not because I deserved it.

Simply because of His amazing grace.

When the Promise becomes an Idol

What happens when the Promises of God, whether fulfilled or unfulfilled, become idols in our hearts?

God promised Abraham a son through Sarah. That son was Isaac.

Next thing we know, God asks Abraham to sacrifice that very son, the Promise Fulfilled, on the altar. Not only did Abraham have to wait many years for the Promise to be fulfilled, but then God decided to take that very same promise away. What's up with that?

I went back and reread the story of Isaac and the almost-sacrifice on Mt. Moriah, and I discovered a little story I'd always overlooked before. Just after we read about Isaac's birth, there are a few verses describing the only information we have about Isaac's childhood.

"The child (Isaac) grew and was weaned, and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast. But Sarah saw the son who Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking, and she said to Abraham, 'Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.'" Gen 21:8-10

So Abraham sends Hagar and Ishmael away, and they wander in the desert of Beersheba.

Two things struck me about this short story.

1. Abraham held a great feast when Isaac was weaned. I don't know how long a child was nursed in those days, but presumably Isaac was still a toddler when he was weaned, yet a huge party was held in his honor. I wonder if Abraham went over the top a little? Could it be that his love for his son was threatening to put Isaac on a bit of a pedestal? Making an idol of him? Glorifying Isaac rather than God? Is it possible that Abraham was beginning to love the Promise more than the Promise Giver?

2. Ishmael mocked; Sarah seethed. Had Sarah's view of her son become overinflated? Is that why she was so offended when Ishmael mocked, because he didn't show the proper respect and honor she felt due her little toddler of a boy? Was that offense so great as to merit banishment into the desert...certain death? Had Isaac become an idol in Sarah's heart, and woe to those who didn't join her in worship of him?

What happens when a promise of God takes the place of God in our hearts?

Anything that takes center stage in our hearts

 other than God

 is an idol.

And idols must be dethroned 

if we are to remain in right relationship with God.

I wonder if that's why God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. The Bible says, "...God tested Abraham." It seems God wanted to see where Abraham's loyalty really lay. Who was Number 1 in Abraham's heart? Isaac or God?

I never thought before that this test  may have been brought about by a possible drifting of Abraham away from God. It seems credible that Abraham had lost some of his awe of God in light of the awe of watching his only son grow.

But God doesn't share His glory. 

Does that seem harsh?

Not when we understand the dangers of replacing God with any other idol in our lives. Nothing but sadness and destruction lie ahead of us when we push God to the side and begin worshipping people, money, fame, you name it.

God knew this, and in His great mercy He gave an order to Abraham that would force Abraham to snap out of it. The shock of God's command would have opened Abraham's eyes to the real state of his heart. He was going to have to choose whether to obey the God he loved, or protect the son he loved.

Talk about a crossroads moment.

It got me thinking. Have I so focused on the Promise, that the failure to see the promise fulfilled has affected my relationship with God? Am I willing to sacrifice the Promise, even before fulfillment, in exchange for greater intimacy with God? What is ultimately more important...the Promise, or the Promise-Giver?

Graham Cooke said: "Every promise is tested so that our faith can increase. Pursuing God's purposes in our situation is where we learn the business end of faith and walking with the Father. Do not chase the outcome, but pursue the heart of God."

Abraham passed his test and proved he loved God above the only son he also loved tremendously. He also demonstrated his belief that God is good and loved him back. He believed that even if God allowed him to go through with the sacrifice and kill Isaac, God could raise him from the dead.

Abraham's unshakable faith in God was credited to him as righteousness, and inspires me today. But this story also cautions me to keep my eyes on God and worship Him alone.

(trying to) believe in the Promises of God

I'm sitting at the crossroads again, not sure which way to go. God made me a promise, but the fulfillment thereof is not yet.

In response to one of my many queries, God said that to wait for His promise is to receive Isaac, but to take another route to the fulfillment of God's promise is to receive Ishmael. In other words...do it my way and forfeit the true prize; let God do it His way in His timing and receive His promise.

The challenge for me at the moment is that there's a third way, a middle road between Isaac and Ishmael. And I can't decide whether it's a semi-Isaac or a semi-Ishmael or something altogether different.

Yet God was pretty clear in His promise. It's my puddle of faith that's muddy.

I know I'm not alone in trying to unravel the gnarled ball of yarn that is faith in God's promises. All sorts of things contribute to the tangled knot. The two I'm dealing with in this season are:

• Questions of whether or not I heard God correctly. This doubt goes right back to the Garden of Eden when satan craftily asked Eve, "Did God really say..."

• Questions of whether or not God's promise is actually my own desire masquerading as Truth. When the Word of the Lord is something I would never have thought of or don't particularly enjoy (ie. 'do a one-day fast every week'), it's easier to believe it's from God because it certainly isn't MY idea. But when the Word of the Lord sounds very much like my deepest dream, it's easier to suspect the Word may be nothing more than my longings.

Can God do what He says He will do?

Absolutely.

Will He do it in my case?

Yes, if He said He would, then He will.

Did He say He would?

I think so. 

But what if He didn't?

Therein lies the rub. 

Therein lies the temptation

 to doubt my ability to hear God, 

which affects my belief that 

God can make Himself heard.

If I believe God speaks, and I believe God can make Himself heard above the groaning of the world, and in the same breath I doubt whether I heard him or not, then it undermines my belief that He can make Himself heard, which undermines my belief that I can hear God, which potentially undermines my belief that God speaks. See the danger?

What I must remember is this:

God speaks.

God wants to communicate with me.

God is bigger than my ability to hear.

God can and will make His ways known to the one who is willing to know them.

And follow them.

Which is the harder part. 

If God makes His way known, and I choose not to follow it, is the wrong with God for not opening the door sooner, or with me for not being patient to wait for the door to open?

Yes, that's how I feel. It's like I'm in a room with 3 doors: the door marked 'Isaac' is closed; the door marked 'Ishmael' stands fully opened; the door in the middle is ajar.

Which door?

"Wait for Isaac!" my heart cries.

"But what if the middle door leads to Isaac?" my brain counters.

"Is that what God is saying?" my heart asks.

So I sit on the floor in the room before the doors and wait.

Is this a test of faith?

Undoubtedly.

But even more to the point, I believe it's a test of faithfulness. God's faithfulness to fulfill His promise; my faithfulness to wait for Him to do it His way.

How painful is the waiting! In the beginning I had peace. Now hope wavers like a candle flickering in the wind. It struggles to stay burning, to fight the good fight, to never give up. But the wind blows stronger and the rain spits and the candle burns lower.

Does God know the length of my wick?

I want to please God with unwavering faith; I want it to be credited to me as righteousness. I've asked Him many times to increase my faith, and I suspect this is how He does it...by testing it.

By making it wait. 

Faith isn't faith unless it believes in something only God can do and trusts Him to do it. But it's costly, that kind of faith. It separates marrow from bone and gets to the heart of the matter...what do I believe about the nature and character of God?

Corrie ten Boom said, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."

Do I know God enough to trust Him with the future of my deepest dream?

I hope so.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."

Have I seen God at work in my life?

Most definitely. Without a doubt.

Perhaps most compelling of all is the anonymous quote scratched into the cement wall in Auschwitz concentration camp by a Jewish prisoner:

"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining,

I believe in love, even when I don't feel it,

I believe in God, even when He is silent."

I guess the real question isn't whether or not God is faithful to fulfill His promises; the real question is do I believe God is faithful to fulfill His promises.

Based on how far God has brought me, and the work He has done in my life, I have to say 'yes. God can do all that He says He can do, and He will fulfill His promises in my life.'

Let Your will be done, Lord.
Amen

Do not be afraid; just believe.

Yesterday in church the Pastor was reading the story of 'The Dead Girl' from Mark 5:21-43.

To summarize, a religious leader, Jairus, came to Jesus, fell at his feet, and begged Jesus to come heal his daughter. Jesus went with Jairus to his house, but before they reached, some men came and told them the girl had already died. "Why bother the teacher any more?" they asked Jairus.

But Jesus ignored the men and told Jairus, "Do not be afraid; just believe."

When they reached Jairus' home, people were wailing in grief, mourning the loss of the young girl.

Jesus asked them, "Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep."

But they laughed at him.

After he put them all out, Jesus took the child's father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said, "Little girl, I say to you, get up!" Immediately the girl stood up and walked around.

The first report that the child had died did not faze Jesus...the Word of Life had a plan to raise that girl from the dead. But first he had to encourage Jairus, the father..."Do not be afraid; just believe." I imagine Jairus' heart thumping in his throat as he hurried along next to the one man who hadn't given up...what would Jesus do? Jairus wanted to believe, but he was gripped with fear. Nevertheless, Jesus was his last hope. Jairus had to believe.

But did his faith falter as he got closer and closer to the wailing coming from his house? Did tears fill his eyes when he saw his wife sobbing? What went through his mind when Jesus told the mourners that the girl was sleeping? How did he feel when they laughed at Jesus?

'You fool,' the mourners said in their hearts when Jesus told them the girl was not dead. 'Are you daft? We know what death looks like. That girl is clearly dead.'

In their unbelief, they missed to see resurrection power. They were 'put out' where they couldn't see Jesus take the girl's hand and tell her to get up. They missed the joy on the father and mother's faces when their little girl stood and walked around. They missed the tears of celebration that soaked Jesus' shirt as the parents hugged him in gratitude. They missed the disciples awe and admiration as they witnessed their teacher raise the dead.

When logic overcomes faith we miss the miracles.

Is there anything that seems to be dying in your life? Maybe a dream, a hope, a desire? Have you brought it to Jesus? Maybe he's been telling you something is going to happen, but you haven't seen it come to pass, and you're losing faith.

Remember his words: Do not be afraid; just believe.

Treasure Island in land-locked Uganda

Mama Caroline Odubo

I was at a birthday party yesterday in the village near our YWAM base, and had the opportunity to chat with Mama Caroline Odubo. Caroline is the Vice President of the Local Council, and the 'Woman of Peace' God led us to when we were first looking for land to build the YWAM base. Caroline and her family sold us the first plot of land.

Caroline told me more of her story yesterday, how her husband ran off with a mzungu from New Zealand and left her to raise the children on her own, how her father gave her a plot of land as an early inheritance, how she cut grass and tied it into bundles and sold it for those wanting to thatch the roofs of their houses.

"I paid my children's school fees through the grass growing freely around me," she said. "That was wisdom from God."

Caroline also cultivated the land, growing sweet potatoes, cassava, sorghum, and beans.

Somehow Caroline got hold of a copy of Treasure Island, and inside was a picture of Jim Hawkins sitting under a tree, contemplating his predicament. When Caroline saw that picture, she also happened to be sitting under a tree. Caroline stopped reading, stared at the picture, then looked up into the mango tree branches above her.

"This is my Treasure Island," she murmured. Caroline told her children, "We will get gold from this place, but we must work hard and not give up. From now on, we will call this place Treasure Island."

Caroline lived in a small grass thatched hut with her children, the chickens and the goats.

"All in one room?" I asked.

Caroline nodded.

"Even the goats?" I persisted.

Chobe National Park - Botswana

"It was very difficult," Caroline said, shaking her head, "but 'Lak lyec negu won ungo' - the elephant's trunk, though it is heavy, cannot defeat the owner."

Caroline painted the outside of her mud hut, then wrote the words of that African proverb on the wall. "Every day I read those words and they encouraged me to push on."

Even though the challenge of raising her children single-handedly was great, Caroline refused to be defeated. Today, her children are doctors, lawyers, teachers and businessmen.

Whenever you feel discouraged or weary, remember the elephant's trunk, and the brave Ugandan woman who set her sights on greater things.

With God, all things are possible, even an island in a land-locked country.

Seeking, or scared of, the Presence of God?

Recently I heard a statement that literally shocked me into silence.

Our women's Bible Study group is working through Luci Swindoll's Cultivating Contentment, and we were talking about a statement Luci made that, "Our souls are restless with a longing to see God." (pg. 10).

The discussion spun off from that statement to the question, "What does it mean to see God? Can we see Him? What about the warnings in the Bible where God said, '...you may not see my face, for no one can see me and live'?" (Ex 33:20)

And yet, earlier in that same chapter the Bible says, "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, like a man speaks with his friend." (Ex 33:11)

One of the ladies said that Moses was special, unique...the rest of the Israelites didn't get to speak with God like that. They used the example of Mt. Sinai to illustrate the point, showing that Moses went up the mountain to meet with God, while the rest of the Israelites stayed at the foot of the mountain, at a distance.


The statement that made my mouth work like a voiceless guppy was this:

 "I'm with the Israelites. I don't really want to get that close to God. 

When God comes near, the earth quakes and mountains tremble. 

Let Him be over there and I'll stay over here and we'll get along just fine."

Pause for a moment and just take that in...


Then another missionary woman said, "Yes, I feel the same. Whenever I try to get close to God, it seems to cost me more than I expected. I'm afraid of what God's going to ask of me if I get too close."


At that point, my jaw slammed shut and a deep sadness overcame me. These women, missionaries who had 'laid down their lives' to follow Christ, were afraid to get too close to God because of what He might ask them to sacrifice, to give up.


Floored.

I've been pondering those statements for the last couple of weeks, and I've started to understand their fears. Yes, to follow Christ will definitely cost something. It will cost a lot. It will require us to lay down our lives, pick up our crosses. It's not an easy road. It's narrow, it's unpopular, it's a process of dying to self. Why would anyone want to do that?

Because 'those who lose their lives for Jesus' sake will find them' (Matt 10:39). 

Find what?

Find life. 

Real life. 

The life God purposed for you before the world began, before He formed you in the womb.

 (Ps 139:13-16, Jer 1:5)

Why would I want the life God purposed for me?

Because those purposes are designed out of a heart of love so wide and long and high and deep that it's hard to grasp...His love surpasses knowledge...we can't even imagine the greatness of the plans God has for us. Instead, it's much easier to imagine the hardship, the suffering, the cost.

If only we could grasp that love! If only we could be like Moses and climb the mountain, reach out for His Presence.

I believe the Israelites missed their chance for close communion with God. Yes, Moses was special, chosen for a specific task to lead God's people out of slavery.

But I believe God wanted to speak directly to the Israelites right from the beginning...

Moses said to the Israelites:

"Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, 'Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.' You came near and stood at the foot of the mountain while it blazed with fire to the very heavens, with black clouds and deep darkness. Then the Lord spoke to you out of the fire. You heard the sound of words but saw no form; there was only a voice." (Deut 4:10-12)

"When you heard the voice out of the darkness, while the mountain was ablaze with fire, all the leading men of your tribes and your elders came to me. And you said, 'The Lord our God has shown us his glory and his majesty, and we have heard his voice from the fire. Today we have seen that a man can live even if God speaks with him. But now, why should we die? This great fire will consume us, and we will die if we hear the voice of the Lord our God any longer. For what mortal man has ever heard the voice of the living God speaking out of fire, as we have, and survived? Go near and listen to all that the Lord our God says. Then tell us whatever the Lord our God tells you. We will listen and obey." (Deut 5:23-27)

The Israelites had an amazing encounter with the Presence of God, and survived! But they felt like they were pressing their luck to want any more. They were afraid that if God continued to speak to them directly, eventually it would cost them too much... they would die.

It was the Israelites who requested that Moses be their mediator...God was quite happy to speak to them directly, but they were too afraid. They chose to keep their distance.

But what good did keeping their distance do for them? While Moses was communing with the Creator of Heaven and Earth, the Israelites were building idols. They preferred to worship something made by their own hands, than worship the One who made them. (Ex 32)

Sad. So sad.

Why would any follower of Christ want to be like the Israelites, rather than like Moses? Are we afraid of what God is going to ask of us if we seek His face? If we yearn for more of His presence? Does that fear keep us at the foot of the mountain, standing at a distance, possibly worshipping idols that are 'safer'?

Do we think it will cost less to serve lesser gods?

It will cost more...it will cost us our eternal lives.

Yes, God is to be revered, awed, adored, glorified, feared...but we are not to be afraid of Him. He is our Father in Heaven, the Lover of our Souls, our Good Shepherd. He is our All in All. Without Him, we can do nothing of Kingdom value.

So don't settle for the foot of the mountain...seek God's face while He may be found. Hunger and thirst for His kingdom and His righteousness. His promise is true:

"You will seek Me and you will find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." (Jer 29:13)

Be seekers of God, then taste and see that the Lord is GOOD!

Never Give Up

About 2 years ago, God impressed on our hearts the idea of doing a sabbatical.  As John and I continued to pray about it and seek His will, we felt led to go to Cape Town where John would do the School of Biblical Studies, and I would finish a book I'd been working on for 4 years already.

But the process of hearing God's call to do a specific thing, and actually doing that thing is not as straight forward as one might think.  The road of obedience is more like no road at all.  It's an overgrown jungle path that one must hack through with a machete while swatting at disease-carrying insects and fighting off poisonous snakes.  It defeats many.

John and I made it through that perilous journey, not because we're super heroes, but because God kept speaking a refrain over and over that we took to heart:   

"Don't Give Up."

 Back in July 2011, when we were told by the South Africa High Commission in London that we had to apply for our student visas in Uganda, we thought God was closing the door on our sabbatical in Cape Town.  We didn't have time to get back to Uganda, apply for our visas, and drive to Cape Town in time for the start of John's course.

But God said, "Don't give up."

We got the visas in 48 hours, and arrived in Muizenberg 2 days before the course started.

God is faithful.

We awoke early the next morning in a house with no electricity, no gas for the stove, and no food.  We were cold, hungry and discouraged.  I couldn't even make a cup of coffee.

But God said, "Don't give up."

I got in the truck, and just five minutes down the road found a place where we could recharge the electricity meter, refill the gas bottle, and buy some groceries, all under one roof.  They even had a coffee shop with pastries.

God is merciful.

During the next 6 weeks, when John was busy with his course, and I was left to entertain the kids, shop for food, fix meals, look for a more permanent house, settle the kids in school, do the housework, etc etc, I felt frustrated.  "What about my sabbatical?" I fumed.  "I'm so busy running the house and family, I'm never going to get to write my book!"

But God said, "Don't give up."

We soon moved to a different suburb and finally got settled enough for me to begin working on my book.

God is gracious.

But then I became overwhelmed at the challenge of rewriting a manuscript that was already 4 years in the making.  The outline I had sketched out years before no longer seemed to fit, the characters kept doing things I didn't expect.  Soon I ran out of scene ideas, and had to open the computer every morning with no idea what I was going to write that day.  I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of words.

But God said, "Don't give up."

Over the next few months, God guided my fingers until one day in April, I was finally able to write the words, The End.

God is a promise-keeper.

One of the Scriptures God used to encourage me during those months in Cape Town is:

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.  For, 

"In just a little while,

he who is coming will come

and will not delay."

And,

"But my righteous one will live by faith.

And I take no pleasure

in the one who shrinks back."

But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Hebrews 10:36-39

I want to do the will of God at all times, but it's not easy.  It takes stubborn determination to keep going against the odds.  A quote I read somewhere sums it up nicely:

She must be prepared to beat to windward if she would reach her goal.

An easy goal that requires little effort to achieve is unsatisfying.  Yet the dreams of God are impossible to achieve on our own.  They require death to self-sufficiency, and acceptance of the fact that without God, we can do nothing of everlasting, Kingdom value.  The only way to fulfill the dreams God puts on our hearts is to cling to him with all our strength and say, "Let your will be done."  Each step of obedience, no matter how painful, is taken with Him right by our side saying, "You can do it.  I am with you.  With me, all things are possible."

I read a poem that thrilled my heart and made me long for more of the things of God:

I prayed for good fortune, 

God gave me dreams.

I dreamed of high places, 

God gave me wings.

May God give you wings to fly to the heights and achieve the God-given dreams that burn in your heart.  

God is able.

Never give up.

Watch this short video for more encouragement...

a man without limbs who never gave up.

Nick Vujicic