(trying to) believe in the Promises of God

I'm sitting at the crossroads again, not sure which way to go. God made me a promise, but the fulfillment thereof is not yet.

In response to one of my many queries, God said that to wait for His promise is to receive Isaac, but to take another route to the fulfillment of God's promise is to receive Ishmael. In other words...do it my way and forfeit the true prize; let God do it His way in His timing and receive His promise.

The challenge for me at the moment is that there's a third way, a middle road between Isaac and Ishmael. And I can't decide whether it's a semi-Isaac or a semi-Ishmael or something altogether different.

Yet God was pretty clear in His promise. It's my puddle of faith that's muddy.

I know I'm not alone in trying to unravel the gnarled ball of yarn that is faith in God's promises. All sorts of things contribute to the tangled knot. The two I'm dealing with in this season are:

• Questions of whether or not I heard God correctly. This doubt goes right back to the Garden of Eden when satan craftily asked Eve, "Did God really say..."

• Questions of whether or not God's promise is actually my own desire masquerading as Truth. When the Word of the Lord is something I would never have thought of or don't particularly enjoy (ie. 'do a one-day fast every week'), it's easier to believe it's from God because it certainly isn't MY idea. But when the Word of the Lord sounds very much like my deepest dream, it's easier to suspect the Word may be nothing more than my longings.

Can God do what He says He will do?

Absolutely.

Will He do it in my case?

Yes, if He said He would, then He will.

Did He say He would?

I think so. 

But what if He didn't?

Therein lies the rub. 

Therein lies the temptation

 to doubt my ability to hear God, 

which affects my belief that 

God can make Himself heard.

If I believe God speaks, and I believe God can make Himself heard above the groaning of the world, and in the same breath I doubt whether I heard him or not, then it undermines my belief that He can make Himself heard, which undermines my belief that I can hear God, which potentially undermines my belief that God speaks. See the danger?

What I must remember is this:

God speaks.

God wants to communicate with me.

God is bigger than my ability to hear.

God can and will make His ways known to the one who is willing to know them.

And follow them.

Which is the harder part. 

If God makes His way known, and I choose not to follow it, is the wrong with God for not opening the door sooner, or with me for not being patient to wait for the door to open?

Yes, that's how I feel. It's like I'm in a room with 3 doors: the door marked 'Isaac' is closed; the door marked 'Ishmael' stands fully opened; the door in the middle is ajar.

Which door?

"Wait for Isaac!" my heart cries.

"But what if the middle door leads to Isaac?" my brain counters.

"Is that what God is saying?" my heart asks.

So I sit on the floor in the room before the doors and wait.

Is this a test of faith?

Undoubtedly.

But even more to the point, I believe it's a test of faithfulness. God's faithfulness to fulfill His promise; my faithfulness to wait for Him to do it His way.

How painful is the waiting! In the beginning I had peace. Now hope wavers like a candle flickering in the wind. It struggles to stay burning, to fight the good fight, to never give up. But the wind blows stronger and the rain spits and the candle burns lower.

Does God know the length of my wick?

I want to please God with unwavering faith; I want it to be credited to me as righteousness. I've asked Him many times to increase my faith, and I suspect this is how He does it...by testing it.

By making it wait. 

Faith isn't faith unless it believes in something only God can do and trusts Him to do it. But it's costly, that kind of faith. It separates marrow from bone and gets to the heart of the matter...what do I believe about the nature and character of God?

Corrie ten Boom said, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."

Do I know God enough to trust Him with the future of my deepest dream?

I hope so.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."

Have I seen God at work in my life?

Most definitely. Without a doubt.

Perhaps most compelling of all is the anonymous quote scratched into the cement wall in Auschwitz concentration camp by a Jewish prisoner:

"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining,

I believe in love, even when I don't feel it,

I believe in God, even when He is silent."

I guess the real question isn't whether or not God is faithful to fulfill His promises; the real question is do I believe God is faithful to fulfill His promises.

Based on how far God has brought me, and the work He has done in my life, I have to say 'yes. God can do all that He says He can do, and He will fulfill His promises in my life.'

Let Your will be done, Lord.
Amen

Never Give Up

About 2 years ago, God impressed on our hearts the idea of doing a sabbatical.  As John and I continued to pray about it and seek His will, we felt led to go to Cape Town where John would do the School of Biblical Studies, and I would finish a book I'd been working on for 4 years already.

But the process of hearing God's call to do a specific thing, and actually doing that thing is not as straight forward as one might think.  The road of obedience is more like no road at all.  It's an overgrown jungle path that one must hack through with a machete while swatting at disease-carrying insects and fighting off poisonous snakes.  It defeats many.

John and I made it through that perilous journey, not because we're super heroes, but because God kept speaking a refrain over and over that we took to heart:   

"Don't Give Up."

 Back in July 2011, when we were told by the South Africa High Commission in London that we had to apply for our student visas in Uganda, we thought God was closing the door on our sabbatical in Cape Town.  We didn't have time to get back to Uganda, apply for our visas, and drive to Cape Town in time for the start of John's course.

But God said, "Don't give up."

We got the visas in 48 hours, and arrived in Muizenberg 2 days before the course started.

God is faithful.

We awoke early the next morning in a house with no electricity, no gas for the stove, and no food.  We were cold, hungry and discouraged.  I couldn't even make a cup of coffee.

But God said, "Don't give up."

I got in the truck, and just five minutes down the road found a place where we could recharge the electricity meter, refill the gas bottle, and buy some groceries, all under one roof.  They even had a coffee shop with pastries.

God is merciful.

During the next 6 weeks, when John was busy with his course, and I was left to entertain the kids, shop for food, fix meals, look for a more permanent house, settle the kids in school, do the housework, etc etc, I felt frustrated.  "What about my sabbatical?" I fumed.  "I'm so busy running the house and family, I'm never going to get to write my book!"

But God said, "Don't give up."

We soon moved to a different suburb and finally got settled enough for me to begin working on my book.

God is gracious.

But then I became overwhelmed at the challenge of rewriting a manuscript that was already 4 years in the making.  The outline I had sketched out years before no longer seemed to fit, the characters kept doing things I didn't expect.  Soon I ran out of scene ideas, and had to open the computer every morning with no idea what I was going to write that day.  I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of words.

But God said, "Don't give up."

Over the next few months, God guided my fingers until one day in April, I was finally able to write the words, The End.

God is a promise-keeper.

One of the Scriptures God used to encourage me during those months in Cape Town is:

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.  For, 

"In just a little while,

he who is coming will come

and will not delay."

And,

"But my righteous one will live by faith.

And I take no pleasure

in the one who shrinks back."

But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Hebrews 10:36-39

I want to do the will of God at all times, but it's not easy.  It takes stubborn determination to keep going against the odds.  A quote I read somewhere sums it up nicely:

She must be prepared to beat to windward if she would reach her goal.

An easy goal that requires little effort to achieve is unsatisfying.  Yet the dreams of God are impossible to achieve on our own.  They require death to self-sufficiency, and acceptance of the fact that without God, we can do nothing of everlasting, Kingdom value.  The only way to fulfill the dreams God puts on our hearts is to cling to him with all our strength and say, "Let your will be done."  Each step of obedience, no matter how painful, is taken with Him right by our side saying, "You can do it.  I am with you.  With me, all things are possible."

I read a poem that thrilled my heart and made me long for more of the things of God:

I prayed for good fortune, 

God gave me dreams.

I dreamed of high places, 

God gave me wings.

May God give you wings to fly to the heights and achieve the God-given dreams that burn in your heart.  

God is able.

Never give up.

Watch this short video for more encouragement...

a man without limbs who never gave up.

Nick Vujicic