My first time to be called a "religious zealot"...unfortunately it was because I stole something

As far as I'm aware, I've never been called a religious zealot before. Not to my face, anyway.

Until the other day.
             On this very blog.
                          By an irate reader.
                                         Whose picture I had stolen.

I don't often get comments on my posts, but the few that come in are usually encouraging and full of kind words. Not this one.

"M" wrote:

The photo of the beggar is STOLEN and violates my copyright as stated below the original photo on my Flickr page. Remove it immediately! First and last warning, otherwise legal action will follow!!

Just like religious zealots to use stolen property! 

My stomach did that dropped-off-the-edge-of-a-cliff thing and my face flooded with shame.

My brain started flinging out excuses:

       It's a hoax. 
               There must be some mistake. 
                                    I didn't steal anything.

I followed M's link to his Flickr page...there was the picture of the beggar, but I didn't recognize it. I scanned the blog post he had commented on that I'd written 5 years ago...nothing, nothing, nothing until right at the end...there it was...the last photo...M's beggar.

Danggit! I so wanted to be right.

But there was no doubt...that was M's photo and it was on my blog without permission.

I highlighted it and hit Delete.

Then I Googled M's name, found several other links where he'd followed others who had used his photos without permission. He employed the same threatening language with all the other thieves, too. It didn't make me feel much better.

I plugged his name into Facebook, found his page and wrote him a message. I apologized for using his photo without permission. I explained I most likely Googled something like "spiritual poverty" (which was the theme of the post) and his beggar came up, that I probably thought it captured the essence of my post and I copied it onto my computer. I've never intentionally hacked or broken codes or overrode security systems to get photos. I assumed if they were on the internet without a watermark, then they were free game.

You know what they say about "assume". I made a donkey's bottom of me.

I told M I was sorry, that I truly admire his work and I honor his art. I asked his forgiveness and told him I'd removed the photo.

I signed it, "Religious Zealot" with a smiley face

M wrote back. The mood of his reply was much softer than his initial comment. He thanked me for my message and gave me some very interesting facts about using photos off the internet:

I fully realize that most of the 292 illegal uses of this photo were not copied from my Flickr page, but from somewhere else where it was also illegally posted.

As a rule of thumb, unless an image is specifically marked (by the original author) as public domain or creative commons, it is copyrighted.

If the original author cannot be identified, chances are it is already stolen, and should not be used.

In Canada (where I live), recent (4-5 years) changes in the law, state that a photographer cannot give or sell his ownership of a photo, it remains hers/his for life! She/he may sell usage rights to a photo but never the rights to it!

In this case, I found my photo used illegally on 292 sites!! My photos are for sale, but how can I sell them if they are used illegally all over the place?

Always consider that whatever you grab off the internet (photos, text, whatever), someone had to work to create it. I spent around 4-5 hours trying to track down those 292 sites! Some I couldn't do anything about, as they did not have a link to send a message or comment, others were in a language I couldn't understand so could not communicate with them, etc... Very frustrating.

I appreciate M's information because I am a religious zealot in the sense that I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I don't buy pirated DVDs, even though those are the only types sold in Uganda, because I know I can get originals through Amazon and friends in the US. Yes, I have to pay more money, but I have peace that I'm not buying stolen goods. I don't feel comfortable sharing music, or copying DVDs from others' hard drives to my computer for the same reason...I feel like I'm stealing them.

I know there are a lot of gray areas in the debate about what is legal sharing and illegal stealing, and this post is not meant to take one side or the other.

I'm simply sharing my personal journey with God that has lead me to set a very high bar in anything media-related, because that is the area God has gifted me to serve. I need to be above reproach in order to have any spiritual authority through the written word and in other forms of social media.

Of course I aim to follow God's ways in all areas of my life, living to please Him, glorify His name and be holy as He is holy. But I know when it comes to the area of media, the bar seems higher for me than others, and I'm okay with that. I don't mean to sound "holier than thou"...my point is that I believe my giftings and calling are tied to media, and in order to walk in the anointing, I have to be without fault in that area, especially.

I wouldn't mind being called a religious zealot again some day, but my prayer is that next time it will be in the context of having done something that brings glory to God, rather than tarnishes His name.

So to be on the safe side, I'm not even thinking about Googling "religious zealot" for a cool photo that someone else took. Instead, I leave you with an original snap of my own that has nothing to do with this post, but at least it's mine.

May God receive the glory.




My pesto-cream cheese Santa hats made for a Christmas Eve party. If anyone wants to use this photo elsewhere, be my guest! :-)

Who do you say I am?

The question arose recently in my Bible study asking how much I trust God. There was a staircase on the page with the top stair labeled 'Trust Him with everything' and the bottom stair labeled 'No trust.' We were asked to place ourselves somewhere on that staircase.


I looked at those stairs and I realized there are areas where I have seen and experienced God's work in my life, and therefore I trust Him completely. Like the area of finances and provision. I have seen God provide in so many miraculous ways over the last 15 years that I now believe He truly is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider.


But there are other areas where I have prayed and fasted for years, and not yet seen the breakthrough, the answered prayer. And so I doubt. Not that God can do it, but that for some reason He won't, and I guess somewhere deep down that doubt causes me to withhold my trust a little bit.

So I find my trust in God compartmentalized into the areas where I've seen and experienced His faithfulness, and the areas I haven't. Where I haven't, it's like little sections of my heart have dried and withered in disappointment, in unfulfilled dreams, in failed expectations. In those places I've slowly stopped hoping for God's miracles; I've stopped trusting Him to do the impossible.


Is that what they call a crisis of faith? Or is it just one result of years of waiting without reward?


As I began processing this with God, He asked me, "If I don't answer the prayers in the areas of your life where doubts have crept in...then what? Will you withdraw? Will you become bitter? Will you shut down certain areas of your heart to me? Will you judge me by the unfulfilled dreams of your life?"


I realized that I could say, "No, of course not!" to all those questions, but the reality is that I have already been withdrawing, becoming bitter, shutting down, and yes, judging God. Ouch.


Then God asked me a challenging question:

"Who do you say I am?"

I felt like Job, chastened. Faced with the hugeness of the Almighty God, I wanted to cower down and say, "Sorry, sorry." Who am I to withhold trust based on experiential proof? A modern-day Thomas, wanting to touch and see before believing.




Then God reminded me of the 5-fold Pledge of Faith that Beth Moore teaches in her Believing God Bible study series. The first part of the pledge starts with the thumb and declares, "I believe God is who He says He is."





So when God asked me again, "Who do you say I am?" I answered, "You are who you say you are."

He replied, "And who do I say I am?"


I've just been studying the names of God, and one by one they rolled through my mind:

Jehovah Rapha - the LORD who heals

Elohiym - Universal Creator

Jehovah Hoseenu - The LORD our Maker

Jehovah Nissi - The LORD is my Banner

There are many others, but the one that struck me most was YHVH - the LORD, the Great I AM.

God said, "I AM who I AM. There is none like me. Whether you believe by experience or not, I AM not only Covenant-Maker but Covenant-Keeper. I fulfill my promises. Don't separate the Me you know from the Me you don't know. I AM who I AM. Just because you haven't personally experienced the fullness of every aspect of Me doesn't mean those aspects aren't real. You have to take All of Me or none of Me, but you can't have part of Me. One day you will see the fullness of every aspect of Me in all My glory, but for now...believe, even though you do not see."

And I was reminded of the verses in Hebrews 11:

Faith is being sure of what we hope for, 

and certain of what we do not see. 

And without faith, 

it is impossible to please God, 

because anyone who come to him 

must believe that he exists

...that He IS...

and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

I feel the world shift under my feet as I take in afresh the realization that God is all that he says he is, and though I may not see every prayer answered the way I would like, it doesn't change the nature of who He is. For now, the best I can do is ask Him to strengthen my faith and enable me to trust Him more and more until that Day when the Lord Jesus is revealed, and all my questions fade away in the face of his glory.

Charis - Grace: It really is amazing.

I've had a fresh revelation of just what grace is over the last few weeks. I saw my sin from the perspective of time...I looked back over my shoulder and thought, 'Wow. God did that through me when I was like that?!'


Contrary to what I always believed, God used me in my brokenness to build His kingdom. I climbed the mountain with dirty hands and an impure heart, yet He welcomed me anyway.




I thought I had to get myself sorted out before I could do great things for Him. Now I know that, although He wants me holy as He is holy, it's not about being perfect before we can get to work.

I can't fix myself anyway.

That's where grace comes in.

I like what Zodiates dictionary says:

"Grace is the absolutely free expression 

of the loving kindness of God to men

 finding its only motive

 in the bounty and benevolence of the Giver."

It's about God's loving kindness, not my goodness or obedience or holiness. Sure God loves it when I'm walking in His ways, but even when I'm not, He's still full of overflowing grace.

My righteousness, or lack of it, doesn't attract or repel His grace. Grace flows from who He is, not from what I've done.

Trying to be perfect so God can use me is a slippery slope to false righteousness. It's so easy to put on the mask and be all smiles, like I've got it all together, when beneath it all is the messy truth that doesn't seem to go away despite my best efforts.


Yet Grace sees the sin beneath the mask, and loves me anyway.

Grace sees the Son beneath the sin, and says, 'I already paid the price for this. Walk in your freedom.'

Should I therefore go on sinning so His grace can abound more and more? Of course not. That's not the point.

The point is that I stepped back and looked at the last 12 years of my life, saw all that God did despite my sin, despite my brokenness, and I was humbled that He would use this fragile jar of clay to help build a Kingdom that will endure forever. Somewhere in that Kingdom I've placed a ruby here, a golden brick there, a sapphire gem somewhere else. Not because I deserved it.

Simply because of His amazing grace.

When the Promise becomes an Idol

What happens when the Promises of God, whether fulfilled or unfulfilled, become idols in our hearts?

God promised Abraham a son through Sarah. That son was Isaac.

Next thing we know, God asks Abraham to sacrifice that very son, the Promise Fulfilled, on the altar. Not only did Abraham have to wait many years for the Promise to be fulfilled, but then God decided to take that very same promise away. What's up with that?

I went back and reread the story of Isaac and the almost-sacrifice on Mt. Moriah, and I discovered a little story I'd always overlooked before. Just after we read about Isaac's birth, there are a few verses describing the only information we have about Isaac's childhood.

"The child (Isaac) grew and was weaned, and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast. But Sarah saw the son who Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking, and she said to Abraham, 'Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.'" Gen 21:8-10

So Abraham sends Hagar and Ishmael away, and they wander in the desert of Beersheba.

Two things struck me about this short story.

1. Abraham held a great feast when Isaac was weaned. I don't know how long a child was nursed in those days, but presumably Isaac was still a toddler when he was weaned, yet a huge party was held in his honor. I wonder if Abraham went over the top a little? Could it be that his love for his son was threatening to put Isaac on a bit of a pedestal? Making an idol of him? Glorifying Isaac rather than God? Is it possible that Abraham was beginning to love the Promise more than the Promise Giver?

2. Ishmael mocked; Sarah seethed. Had Sarah's view of her son become overinflated? Is that why she was so offended when Ishmael mocked, because he didn't show the proper respect and honor she felt due her little toddler of a boy? Was that offense so great as to merit banishment into the desert...certain death? Had Isaac become an idol in Sarah's heart, and woe to those who didn't join her in worship of him?

What happens when a promise of God takes the place of God in our hearts?

Anything that takes center stage in our hearts

 other than God

 is an idol.

And idols must be dethroned 

if we are to remain in right relationship with God.

I wonder if that's why God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. The Bible says, "...God tested Abraham." It seems God wanted to see where Abraham's loyalty really lay. Who was Number 1 in Abraham's heart? Isaac or God?

I never thought before that this test  may have been brought about by a possible drifting of Abraham away from God. It seems credible that Abraham had lost some of his awe of God in light of the awe of watching his only son grow.

But God doesn't share His glory. 

Does that seem harsh?

Not when we understand the dangers of replacing God with any other idol in our lives. Nothing but sadness and destruction lie ahead of us when we push God to the side and begin worshipping people, money, fame, you name it.

God knew this, and in His great mercy He gave an order to Abraham that would force Abraham to snap out of it. The shock of God's command would have opened Abraham's eyes to the real state of his heart. He was going to have to choose whether to obey the God he loved, or protect the son he loved.

Talk about a crossroads moment.

It got me thinking. Have I so focused on the Promise, that the failure to see the promise fulfilled has affected my relationship with God? Am I willing to sacrifice the Promise, even before fulfillment, in exchange for greater intimacy with God? What is ultimately more important...the Promise, or the Promise-Giver?

Graham Cooke said: "Every promise is tested so that our faith can increase. Pursuing God's purposes in our situation is where we learn the business end of faith and walking with the Father. Do not chase the outcome, but pursue the heart of God."

Abraham passed his test and proved he loved God above the only son he also loved tremendously. He also demonstrated his belief that God is good and loved him back. He believed that even if God allowed him to go through with the sacrifice and kill Isaac, God could raise him from the dead.

Abraham's unshakable faith in God was credited to him as righteousness, and inspires me today. But this story also cautions me to keep my eyes on God and worship Him alone.

(trying to) believe in the Promises of God

I'm sitting at the crossroads again, not sure which way to go. God made me a promise, but the fulfillment thereof is not yet.

In response to one of my many queries, God said that to wait for His promise is to receive Isaac, but to take another route to the fulfillment of God's promise is to receive Ishmael. In other words...do it my way and forfeit the true prize; let God do it His way in His timing and receive His promise.

The challenge for me at the moment is that there's a third way, a middle road between Isaac and Ishmael. And I can't decide whether it's a semi-Isaac or a semi-Ishmael or something altogether different.

Yet God was pretty clear in His promise. It's my puddle of faith that's muddy.

I know I'm not alone in trying to unravel the gnarled ball of yarn that is faith in God's promises. All sorts of things contribute to the tangled knot. The two I'm dealing with in this season are:

• Questions of whether or not I heard God correctly. This doubt goes right back to the Garden of Eden when satan craftily asked Eve, "Did God really say..."

• Questions of whether or not God's promise is actually my own desire masquerading as Truth. When the Word of the Lord is something I would never have thought of or don't particularly enjoy (ie. 'do a one-day fast every week'), it's easier to believe it's from God because it certainly isn't MY idea. But when the Word of the Lord sounds very much like my deepest dream, it's easier to suspect the Word may be nothing more than my longings.

Can God do what He says He will do?

Absolutely.

Will He do it in my case?

Yes, if He said He would, then He will.

Did He say He would?

I think so. 

But what if He didn't?

Therein lies the rub. 

Therein lies the temptation

 to doubt my ability to hear God, 

which affects my belief that 

God can make Himself heard.

If I believe God speaks, and I believe God can make Himself heard above the groaning of the world, and in the same breath I doubt whether I heard him or not, then it undermines my belief that He can make Himself heard, which undermines my belief that I can hear God, which potentially undermines my belief that God speaks. See the danger?

What I must remember is this:

God speaks.

God wants to communicate with me.

God is bigger than my ability to hear.

God can and will make His ways known to the one who is willing to know them.

And follow them.

Which is the harder part. 

If God makes His way known, and I choose not to follow it, is the wrong with God for not opening the door sooner, or with me for not being patient to wait for the door to open?

Yes, that's how I feel. It's like I'm in a room with 3 doors: the door marked 'Isaac' is closed; the door marked 'Ishmael' stands fully opened; the door in the middle is ajar.

Which door?

"Wait for Isaac!" my heart cries.

"But what if the middle door leads to Isaac?" my brain counters.

"Is that what God is saying?" my heart asks.

So I sit on the floor in the room before the doors and wait.

Is this a test of faith?

Undoubtedly.

But even more to the point, I believe it's a test of faithfulness. God's faithfulness to fulfill His promise; my faithfulness to wait for Him to do it His way.

How painful is the waiting! In the beginning I had peace. Now hope wavers like a candle flickering in the wind. It struggles to stay burning, to fight the good fight, to never give up. But the wind blows stronger and the rain spits and the candle burns lower.

Does God know the length of my wick?

I want to please God with unwavering faith; I want it to be credited to me as righteousness. I've asked Him many times to increase my faith, and I suspect this is how He does it...by testing it.

By making it wait. 

Faith isn't faith unless it believes in something only God can do and trusts Him to do it. But it's costly, that kind of faith. It separates marrow from bone and gets to the heart of the matter...what do I believe about the nature and character of God?

Corrie ten Boom said, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."

Do I know God enough to trust Him with the future of my deepest dream?

I hope so.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."

Have I seen God at work in my life?

Most definitely. Without a doubt.

Perhaps most compelling of all is the anonymous quote scratched into the cement wall in Auschwitz concentration camp by a Jewish prisoner:

"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining,

I believe in love, even when I don't feel it,

I believe in God, even when He is silent."

I guess the real question isn't whether or not God is faithful to fulfill His promises; the real question is do I believe God is faithful to fulfill His promises.

Based on how far God has brought me, and the work He has done in my life, I have to say 'yes. God can do all that He says He can do, and He will fulfill His promises in my life.'

Let Your will be done, Lord.
Amen

Do not be afraid; just believe.

Yesterday in church the Pastor was reading the story of 'The Dead Girl' from Mark 5:21-43.

To summarize, a religious leader, Jairus, came to Jesus, fell at his feet, and begged Jesus to come heal his daughter. Jesus went with Jairus to his house, but before they reached, some men came and told them the girl had already died. "Why bother the teacher any more?" they asked Jairus.

But Jesus ignored the men and told Jairus, "Do not be afraid; just believe."

When they reached Jairus' home, people were wailing in grief, mourning the loss of the young girl.

Jesus asked them, "Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep."

But they laughed at him.

After he put them all out, Jesus took the child's father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said, "Little girl, I say to you, get up!" Immediately the girl stood up and walked around.

The first report that the child had died did not faze Jesus...the Word of Life had a plan to raise that girl from the dead. But first he had to encourage Jairus, the father..."Do not be afraid; just believe." I imagine Jairus' heart thumping in his throat as he hurried along next to the one man who hadn't given up...what would Jesus do? Jairus wanted to believe, but he was gripped with fear. Nevertheless, Jesus was his last hope. Jairus had to believe.

But did his faith falter as he got closer and closer to the wailing coming from his house? Did tears fill his eyes when he saw his wife sobbing? What went through his mind when Jesus told the mourners that the girl was sleeping? How did he feel when they laughed at Jesus?

'You fool,' the mourners said in their hearts when Jesus told them the girl was not dead. 'Are you daft? We know what death looks like. That girl is clearly dead.'

In their unbelief, they missed to see resurrection power. They were 'put out' where they couldn't see Jesus take the girl's hand and tell her to get up. They missed the joy on the father and mother's faces when their little girl stood and walked around. They missed the tears of celebration that soaked Jesus' shirt as the parents hugged him in gratitude. They missed the disciples awe and admiration as they witnessed their teacher raise the dead.

When logic overcomes faith we miss the miracles.

Is there anything that seems to be dying in your life? Maybe a dream, a hope, a desire? Have you brought it to Jesus? Maybe he's been telling you something is going to happen, but you haven't seen it come to pass, and you're losing faith.

Remember his words: Do not be afraid; just believe.

Treasure Island in land-locked Uganda

Mama Caroline Odubo

I was at a birthday party yesterday in the village near our YWAM base, and had the opportunity to chat with Mama Caroline Odubo. Caroline is the Vice President of the Local Council, and the 'Woman of Peace' God led us to when we were first looking for land to build the YWAM base. Caroline and her family sold us the first plot of land.

Caroline told me more of her story yesterday, how her husband ran off with a mzungu from New Zealand and left her to raise the children on her own, how her father gave her a plot of land as an early inheritance, how she cut grass and tied it into bundles and sold it for those wanting to thatch the roofs of their houses.

"I paid my children's school fees through the grass growing freely around me," she said. "That was wisdom from God."

Caroline also cultivated the land, growing sweet potatoes, cassava, sorghum, and beans.

Somehow Caroline got hold of a copy of Treasure Island, and inside was a picture of Jim Hawkins sitting under a tree, contemplating his predicament. When Caroline saw that picture, she also happened to be sitting under a tree. Caroline stopped reading, stared at the picture, then looked up into the mango tree branches above her.

"This is my Treasure Island," she murmured. Caroline told her children, "We will get gold from this place, but we must work hard and not give up. From now on, we will call this place Treasure Island."

Caroline lived in a small grass thatched hut with her children, the chickens and the goats.

"All in one room?" I asked.

Caroline nodded.

"Even the goats?" I persisted.

Chobe National Park - Botswana

"It was very difficult," Caroline said, shaking her head, "but 'Lak lyec negu won ungo' - the elephant's trunk, though it is heavy, cannot defeat the owner."

Caroline painted the outside of her mud hut, then wrote the words of that African proverb on the wall. "Every day I read those words and they encouraged me to push on."

Even though the challenge of raising her children single-handedly was great, Caroline refused to be defeated. Today, her children are doctors, lawyers, teachers and businessmen.

Whenever you feel discouraged or weary, remember the elephant's trunk, and the brave Ugandan woman who set her sights on greater things.

With God, all things are possible, even an island in a land-locked country.

Seeking, or scared of, the Presence of God?

Recently I heard a statement that literally shocked me into silence.

Our women's Bible Study group is working through Luci Swindoll's Cultivating Contentment, and we were talking about a statement Luci made that, "Our souls are restless with a longing to see God." (pg. 10).

The discussion spun off from that statement to the question, "What does it mean to see God? Can we see Him? What about the warnings in the Bible where God said, '...you may not see my face, for no one can see me and live'?" (Ex 33:20)

And yet, earlier in that same chapter the Bible says, "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, like a man speaks with his friend." (Ex 33:11)

One of the ladies said that Moses was special, unique...the rest of the Israelites didn't get to speak with God like that. They used the example of Mt. Sinai to illustrate the point, showing that Moses went up the mountain to meet with God, while the rest of the Israelites stayed at the foot of the mountain, at a distance.


The statement that made my mouth work like a voiceless guppy was this:

 "I'm with the Israelites. I don't really want to get that close to God. 

When God comes near, the earth quakes and mountains tremble. 

Let Him be over there and I'll stay over here and we'll get along just fine."

Pause for a moment and just take that in...


Then another missionary woman said, "Yes, I feel the same. Whenever I try to get close to God, it seems to cost me more than I expected. I'm afraid of what God's going to ask of me if I get too close."


At that point, my jaw slammed shut and a deep sadness overcame me. These women, missionaries who had 'laid down their lives' to follow Christ, were afraid to get too close to God because of what He might ask them to sacrifice, to give up.


Floored.

I've been pondering those statements for the last couple of weeks, and I've started to understand their fears. Yes, to follow Christ will definitely cost something. It will cost a lot. It will require us to lay down our lives, pick up our crosses. It's not an easy road. It's narrow, it's unpopular, it's a process of dying to self. Why would anyone want to do that?

Because 'those who lose their lives for Jesus' sake will find them' (Matt 10:39). 

Find what?

Find life. 

Real life. 

The life God purposed for you before the world began, before He formed you in the womb.

 (Ps 139:13-16, Jer 1:5)

Why would I want the life God purposed for me?

Because those purposes are designed out of a heart of love so wide and long and high and deep that it's hard to grasp...His love surpasses knowledge...we can't even imagine the greatness of the plans God has for us. Instead, it's much easier to imagine the hardship, the suffering, the cost.

If only we could grasp that love! If only we could be like Moses and climb the mountain, reach out for His Presence.

I believe the Israelites missed their chance for close communion with God. Yes, Moses was special, chosen for a specific task to lead God's people out of slavery.

But I believe God wanted to speak directly to the Israelites right from the beginning...

Moses said to the Israelites:

"Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, 'Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.' You came near and stood at the foot of the mountain while it blazed with fire to the very heavens, with black clouds and deep darkness. Then the Lord spoke to you out of the fire. You heard the sound of words but saw no form; there was only a voice." (Deut 4:10-12)

"When you heard the voice out of the darkness, while the mountain was ablaze with fire, all the leading men of your tribes and your elders came to me. And you said, 'The Lord our God has shown us his glory and his majesty, and we have heard his voice from the fire. Today we have seen that a man can live even if God speaks with him. But now, why should we die? This great fire will consume us, and we will die if we hear the voice of the Lord our God any longer. For what mortal man has ever heard the voice of the living God speaking out of fire, as we have, and survived? Go near and listen to all that the Lord our God says. Then tell us whatever the Lord our God tells you. We will listen and obey." (Deut 5:23-27)

The Israelites had an amazing encounter with the Presence of God, and survived! But they felt like they were pressing their luck to want any more. They were afraid that if God continued to speak to them directly, eventually it would cost them too much... they would die.

It was the Israelites who requested that Moses be their mediator...God was quite happy to speak to them directly, but they were too afraid. They chose to keep their distance.

But what good did keeping their distance do for them? While Moses was communing with the Creator of Heaven and Earth, the Israelites were building idols. They preferred to worship something made by their own hands, than worship the One who made them. (Ex 32)

Sad. So sad.

Why would any follower of Christ want to be like the Israelites, rather than like Moses? Are we afraid of what God is going to ask of us if we seek His face? If we yearn for more of His presence? Does that fear keep us at the foot of the mountain, standing at a distance, possibly worshipping idols that are 'safer'?

Do we think it will cost less to serve lesser gods?

It will cost more...it will cost us our eternal lives.

Yes, God is to be revered, awed, adored, glorified, feared...but we are not to be afraid of Him. He is our Father in Heaven, the Lover of our Souls, our Good Shepherd. He is our All in All. Without Him, we can do nothing of Kingdom value.

So don't settle for the foot of the mountain...seek God's face while He may be found. Hunger and thirst for His kingdom and His righteousness. His promise is true:

"You will seek Me and you will find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." (Jer 29:13)

Be seekers of God, then taste and see that the Lord is GOOD!

Never Give Up

About 2 years ago, God impressed on our hearts the idea of doing a sabbatical.  As John and I continued to pray about it and seek His will, we felt led to go to Cape Town where John would do the School of Biblical Studies, and I would finish a book I'd been working on for 4 years already.

But the process of hearing God's call to do a specific thing, and actually doing that thing is not as straight forward as one might think.  The road of obedience is more like no road at all.  It's an overgrown jungle path that one must hack through with a machete while swatting at disease-carrying insects and fighting off poisonous snakes.  It defeats many.

John and I made it through that perilous journey, not because we're super heroes, but because God kept speaking a refrain over and over that we took to heart:   

"Don't Give Up."

 Back in July 2011, when we were told by the South Africa High Commission in London that we had to apply for our student visas in Uganda, we thought God was closing the door on our sabbatical in Cape Town.  We didn't have time to get back to Uganda, apply for our visas, and drive to Cape Town in time for the start of John's course.

But God said, "Don't give up."

We got the visas in 48 hours, and arrived in Muizenberg 2 days before the course started.

God is faithful.

We awoke early the next morning in a house with no electricity, no gas for the stove, and no food.  We were cold, hungry and discouraged.  I couldn't even make a cup of coffee.

But God said, "Don't give up."

I got in the truck, and just five minutes down the road found a place where we could recharge the electricity meter, refill the gas bottle, and buy some groceries, all under one roof.  They even had a coffee shop with pastries.

God is merciful.

During the next 6 weeks, when John was busy with his course, and I was left to entertain the kids, shop for food, fix meals, look for a more permanent house, settle the kids in school, do the housework, etc etc, I felt frustrated.  "What about my sabbatical?" I fumed.  "I'm so busy running the house and family, I'm never going to get to write my book!"

But God said, "Don't give up."

We soon moved to a different suburb and finally got settled enough for me to begin working on my book.

God is gracious.

But then I became overwhelmed at the challenge of rewriting a manuscript that was already 4 years in the making.  The outline I had sketched out years before no longer seemed to fit, the characters kept doing things I didn't expect.  Soon I ran out of scene ideas, and had to open the computer every morning with no idea what I was going to write that day.  I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of words.

But God said, "Don't give up."

Over the next few months, God guided my fingers until one day in April, I was finally able to write the words, The End.

God is a promise-keeper.

One of the Scriptures God used to encourage me during those months in Cape Town is:

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.  For, 

"In just a little while,

he who is coming will come

and will not delay."

And,

"But my righteous one will live by faith.

And I take no pleasure

in the one who shrinks back."

But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.

Hebrews 10:36-39

I want to do the will of God at all times, but it's not easy.  It takes stubborn determination to keep going against the odds.  A quote I read somewhere sums it up nicely:

She must be prepared to beat to windward if she would reach her goal.

An easy goal that requires little effort to achieve is unsatisfying.  Yet the dreams of God are impossible to achieve on our own.  They require death to self-sufficiency, and acceptance of the fact that without God, we can do nothing of everlasting, Kingdom value.  The only way to fulfill the dreams God puts on our hearts is to cling to him with all our strength and say, "Let your will be done."  Each step of obedience, no matter how painful, is taken with Him right by our side saying, "You can do it.  I am with you.  With me, all things are possible."

I read a poem that thrilled my heart and made me long for more of the things of God:

I prayed for good fortune, 

God gave me dreams.

I dreamed of high places, 

God gave me wings.

May God give you wings to fly to the heights and achieve the God-given dreams that burn in your heart.  

God is able.

Never give up.

Watch this short video for more encouragement...

a man without limbs who never gave up.

Nick Vujicic

It is finished! (Well, not quite ;)

After five long years, on again off again, I’ve finally typed those two little precious words...The End.

How did it feel? Awesome. This book has been burning in my heart for at least five years. Every time I put it away, it haunted me until I picked it up again. I would become restless and unsettled just thinking about it until I had a chance to start working on it again.

And yet, it felt anticlimactic at the same time. Ten minutes after I typed ‘The End’ I was in the shower and thought of something I needed to add to that last scene, so still dripping, I reopened the file and wrote a few more sentences. I know very well that just writing ‘The End’ doesn’t mean it’s the end...in fact, I know of several gaps and loose ends that I ignored purposely as I focused on writing the key final scenes. There is a ton of rewriting and editing and more rewriting and more editing to do before I can really say, “It is finished.”

But DANG it feels good to have finally written the end! After all these years, I feel like I’ve finally done it. Time to set up another Ebenezer stone...thus far has the Lord brought me.

And that’s another crazy thing...when I started writing the book, it was part of a creative writing course I was doing on-line, and I had to map out the entire book, scene for scene, as part of the assignment.

So when I started writing, I had all the scene summaries there, and all I had to do was write each scene.

But somewhere along the line, I started changing things which meant I had to scrap the last half of the scene summaries because they didn’t fit with the changes, anymore, which meant I didn’t have a plan.

Ack! No plan?!?! I like having a plan.

I prayed that God would show me the way forward, give me the outline so I could rewrite the scene summaries, give me the ending. But nothin’ doin’. Instead, I felt God asking me to trust Him, to write the second half ‘blind’...just let the scenes come to my mind and write what I saw, what I heard, what I felt.

This was a whole new process, and a bit of a scary one, but at the same time, it was so exciting. Every morning I sat down at my computer not knowing what would happen that day. I had an idea of where I ultimately wanted to end up, but no clue how we were going to get there. I wrote my main character into corners without knowing how she’d get out of them, but God provided a way every time...just like He does in life.

It was amazing, co-authoring with God. My characters seemed to come to life like never before in the first half of the book. Things happened that I didn’t expect. I laughed, I cried. It was very bizarre to be writing and reading at the same time. I can’t even explain the process, and it may sound crazy but that’s what I felt happened. My prayer is that that same partnership will continue through all the rewrites and edits, and that God will get the glory because:

“Lord, you have established peace for us,

All that we have accomplished

you have done for us.” (Isa 26:12)

I could never have done this without God’s, but it has been a long journey of believing in what I cannot see. For any of you still waiting to see God’s promises in your life come to pass:

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast

because they trust in You.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord,

the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.”

(Isa 26.3-4)

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,

you will receive what he has promised. For

'In just a little while,

he who is coming will come

and will not delay.'

And,

'But my righteous one will live by faith.

And I take no pleasure

in the one who shrinks back.'

But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed,

but to those who have faith and are saved.” (Hebrews 10:36-39)

“If you do not believe, you surely will not last.” (Isa 7:9)

Blessed is she who has believed that

what Lord has said to her will be accomplished.” (Luke 1:45)

Those were key verses that I clung to during the dark moments of writing, and I’m sure I’ll need them in the days to come as I go back through the whole manuscript again and again and again. I can’t even think about what comes after that...I’m just concentrating on getting it to the best level I can.

Whatever happens next is up to God. And from what I’ve seen over and over in my life, I can trust Him with the unknown because His faithfulness endures forever.

Many thanks to all who have been praying for me...please continue to do so as I enter this second phase of rewrites. I highly value your prayer covering!

Anointed, whether we know it or not

I'm starting to fall asleep as I type a scene for my book...not a good sign. So instead of berating myself and whining about how boring my book is, I've come back here with another thought to ponder.

A few months ago I read a comment by Priscilla Shirer that stuck with me:

"An author can pen a book without the anointing,

but only the anointed author can write words that carry the weight of God

to accomplish eternal purposes in the lives of the readers."

Like many Christians, I battle between wanting to use my talents for fame and fortune and wanting to use them to bring glory to God. It's the struggle between flesh and spirit, the things of this world and the things of the Kingdom...it's age-old, nothing new under the sun. But it's still there.

So when I read Priscilla's words and think about the anointing, my first thought is, "Do I have the anointing to write this book?"

Then I think, "Of course I do. God told me to write it so I must have it."

But then I worry. "Maybe I lose it when my motives are less than pure, when I start imagining my book on the NY Times bestseller's list."

And then I fret and say 'sorry' to God and remind Him (and me!) that it's all about Him, and I want the glory to be His alone.

(This scenario happens on a regular basis.)

So does the anointing come and go? Do I have it when my heart is right, and lose it when it's not?

I did a little research (not much, this isn't exhaustive...don't quote me) and was encouraged by 1 John 2:20-21, 27:

But you have an anointing from the Holy One,

and all of you know the truth.

I do not write to you because you do not know the truth,

but because you do know it

and because no lie comes from the truth...

As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you,

and you do not need anyone to teach you.

But as his anointing teaches you about all things

and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit -

just as it has taught you, remain in him.

God has anointed me (and you!) through the indwelling Holy Spirit - the Anointed and the Anointing are One and the same. Therefore, everything I need to accomplish the task God has given me is available to me at all times through the Holy Spirit:

the skill (how do I 'show' the way the thump of an African drum bounces around in your chest),

the energy (wakey, wakey! no falling asleep over the computer),

the determination (I think I can, I think I can),

and especially the faith (believe in what you do not see).

Isaiah 7:9 (NASB) says:

"If you will not believe, you surely shall not last."

So I am taking a stand today to believe I have God's anointing for this task, and I am leaving the results in His hands. I want to be of the ilk that it's said,

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" (Luke 1:45 NIV)

May you realize the anointing God has given you through His Spirit to carry out the work He has called you to, and may you be blessed as you believe Him to accomplish it!