Molding a lump of clay

Molding a lump of clay
I am a work in progress, molded by my Maker, refined by His fire, shaped with His love. Walk the journey with me.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

A bit of a moan and a self-pep talk

It's another one of those days... I feel myself slipping into a melancholic state, and I'm trying desperately not to give in to it.

John's been in Sudan since last Monday, so I've been doing double-duty as a parent, and trying to keep up with all the communications and decision-making that he would normally do. None of this is new to me, so that shouldn't be a big deal.

But I also have to keep my programs running, and this week we had 2 special events in the prison ministry that aren't in my normal weekly routine. One was to collect Simon, a prisoner we have been working closely with, from the prison gate when he was released on Tuesday and take him home. The other was to visit the women's prison and introduce ourselves and the Alpha Course. We hope to start the course there with them next Thursday.

So life is a little busier than usual...that's fine. I can cope.

But then throw into the mix a farewell party for some friends who are leaving Arua.

Katie (on the right) and I (center) have become very close in the last couple of's one of those friendships where you recognize a spiritual twin. We've shared deeply and prayed hard, and seen God working miracles in our lives.

And now she's leaving.

She's planning and praying about coming back longer term in September with her family, but it's not a guarantee.

I struggle with this coming and going business. Next to having to leave behind parents and siblings and extended relatives and miss out on all the milestones of family life, the second hardest part of missions isn't the pit latrines or malaria or dial-up's having to say 'good-bye' again and again to yet another friend who shared life for a season

and then was gone.

I've just been getting to know Susana (above with me and Katie), my little Spanish prayer partner, and now she's also about to leave.

And Rianne (on my left), a sweet Canadian girl that I trained with and ran the MTN 10k with, only has one more week here.

Yes, there's always e-mail, and both of these ladies plan to come back, but it's still a grieving process when they go, not knowing for sure what plans God has for them,

because His, after all, are the ones that count.

So I've been feeling a bit down in the dumps,

and then my little girl gets sick.

Vomiting, diarhea, the whole nine yards. She's in a lot of pain, but there's not much I can do for her. Seems like a stomach bug is going around because many people are complaining of the same thing, so I dose her up with pain reliever, make her mint tea, and keep rushing her to the bathroom whenever she starts doubling up in cramps. She's only 3, so there's a lot of whining and crying going on, which grates on my nerves at the best of times, but now feels like sharp claws scraping away at the very tiny amount of patience I have left. I know she's sick, so I give her grace, but it's still killing me. I look at the clock...

'only 2 hours 18 minutes 'til bedtime.'

Then my stomach starts getting crampy. It hasn't developed into the full-blown sickness, yet, and I'm praying it won't, because then we'd be in a right mess. My kids need me to be healthy more than ever right now.

I'm not all that surprised with the sequence of events, though...seems like we regularly face challenging situations when John goes away, especially when his trip is highly sensitive. And because I'm kind of used to it, it's easier to fall back on God and say, "Here we go again, Dad! Just tell me what you want me to do...

I'm trusting you for another victory."

This morning my pastor was talking about Joshua leading the Israelites into the Promised Land, and he was reminding us of God's promise to Joshua, that He would give him every place where he set his foot. Although the victory was certain for Joshua,

he still had to fight against the enemies living in Canaan.

Right now, I'm looking at all the amazing things God is doing in the prison ministry, and I know He has given us victory, but we still have to fight the battles. I still have to find strength in the Lord, even when my husband's gone, and my friends are leaving and my children are sick. Because no matter what the circumstances, I am not alone. God will never leave me nor forsake me, whether I'm in the heat of battle,

or munching on grapes and honey.

He is with me wherever I go.


Kathryn Taylor said...

My heart is heavy for you. I'm on the other side at this the middle of a long goodbye to life as I know it. But your blog is a great reminder that nothing is going to be easy. Being where God calls you to be is not always easy. It stinks sometimes, but I'll bet you get closer to Him while your husband is gone and your child is sick and your friends are leaving because He's all you have to hold on to that's not slipping out of your hands. I'm logging off and going to lift you up. You're sleeping, but I pray you feel His love around you the minute you wake up.

Jennie-Joy said...

Aw... I'm feeling for you, Vikki... and I think I can sort of understand what its like for you. I mean, I'm definitely identifying a lot better after having been left in charge when Michele left (she's gone again for 6 weeks)... but, I am glad with you that the victory is assured... and that Papa provides the strength we need to keep moving... and kudos to you- moms on the mission field are incredible women. I know mine was!

When does John get back from this side of the border?

I'm going to hop down to Arua for a few days later in the week- to get some breathing room and access my bank account... I may drop by to say "Hi!" but if things are crazy, just kick me out or put me to work, ok? ;) Seriously. I'll watch the kids for a while if you need to go get some breathing room.

Love ya!

Gemma said...

Now I read that, and my heart is just to rush out to Arua and help you! With all the amazing work you and the rest of the team do, I wish I could be there to carry your burdens...but at the moment it's not my calling. I'll keep praying for you though! Is Keziah well now, and did you avoid the sickness? I'm so glad John is safely home as well - his prayer bowl was definitely full!xxxx

Otumidwa said...

"Although the victory was certain for Joshua, he still had to fight against the enemies living in Canaan". I am going to write that in large letters in my journal. And then pray for the armour of God!