Living, dying and trusting God in all of it

I just finished reading Randy Pausch's book, The Last Lecture. If you haven't heard of it, it's written by computer science professor, Randy Pausch, who delivered a 'last lecture' at Carnegie Mellon University on September 18, 2007. It seems to be normal practice for professors to deliver 'last lectures' in which they share any golden nuggets of wisdom as if it were their last chance to make an impact on the world. Normally this is hypothetical. In Randy's case, however, it WAS his last chance...he was dying of pancreatic cancer and given 3 to 6 months to live.


I read the book with a mixture of admiration (for his amazing attitude towards finishing the race well) and intense sadness (for his 3 little kids who will grow up without their Daddy, and his wife who will lose her best friend).

Because I'm a sucker for happy endings, I rushed to the internet to see if he had been miraculously healed, but sadly I read that he passed away on July 25, 2008.

This was probably not a very good time to read his book, because my husband is in Sudan right now in an unstable area and I am home with our 3 little kids trying desperately to trust God and not think about becoming a widow and watching my kids grow up without a Daddy. It's especially painful since I lost my own mom to cancer when I was 15, and growing up without her has been excruciating. I actually walked away from God for 13 years because I blamed Him for my mother's death and couldn't reconcile a good God with the tragedy of losing my mom.

Despite all that, the book is very inspiring and Randy really got me thinking about my own life and the legacy I will be leaving behind. Do I live my life as a Tigger (energetic, full of life and enthusiasm) or an Eeyore (always complaining, living under a perpetual dark cloud)?


I immediately picked up Dave Schmelzer's book,
Not the Religious Type.

In the very first chapter, Dave talks about hesed...a Hebrew word that means "mercy" or "kindness" when applied to God, and tells us two things: (1) God will keep His end of the deal, and (2) God will blow us away with shocking acts of kindness, love and power when we least expect them.

With fresh tear streaks on my cheeks and mascara smeared under my eyes from Randy's book, I was gently reminded of just how good God is, and has been, in my life. Yes, I lost my mother. Yes, it was, and still is, hard. Do I understand why? No. But what I do know is that God kept His end of the deal. He said in His word that He would never leave me, and He didn't...even when I tried to leave Him. He tagged along all 13 of those years, watching over me, wooing me back to Himself until I finally gave in and took Him back. Yes, He is faithful.

And since then...whoo! How many times has God not only met my needs, but gone over the top in blessing me...blowing me away with shocking acts of kindness, love and power? Sooooo many! I can't even recount them all.

I don't want to lose my husband...I can't hardly stand to think about it. But if the worst happened, would God still be good? Yes. Would it be hard? Obviously. But I can't walk through life in the grip of anxiety wondering if I'll be a widow and single mother tomorrow. I have to trust God and relax, knowing that if it does happen, He'll be there for me. He'll keep His end of the deal. And in the meantime, He's enjoying blowing me away with all those shocking acts of kindness, power and love.

Anybody need some of that?!

A legacy from my mom

A special tradition I got from my mom (who passed away 22 years ago) is making creative birthday cakes. She used to make all kinds of specialty cakes for my sister and I, and it's a tradition I've incorporated into my own family.

In the beginning, my cakes were a bit iffy... like the time I tried to make a Bambi cake for Aidan and he said it looked like a dog (which in all fairness it did.)




But over time the cakes have improved and now they actually resemble what they are meant to be. Which is why I have to show off this Lightning McQueen cake...












Birthday boy, Joshua Asiki, borrowed our Cars DVD about 6 months ago and has watched it more than 20 times. So when his mum, Cathy, asked if I would make his birthday cake, it was easy to decide what to make. It was a lot harder actually making it, but all the sweatin' and lip chewin' was worth the smile on his face today...















And before I finish boasting, here's a couple more photos of Joshua with his friends, and Kezi sporting a new dress given by her friend, Fatu....the little Liberian girl in the pink shirt.

Happy birthday, Joshua!

Death by chocolate

What an awesome birthday! I think my friends and family, who are very well aware of my chocolate addiction, set a record this year...I got 3 chocolate birthday cakes in one day!

My birthday happened to fall on our weekly women's Bible study day, so Pam (the one on the right) brought a chocolate cake to celebrate.


Then my sweet hubby...

...slaved in the kitchen all afternoon to make me a layered chocolate cake with chocolate cream filling in the middle! (Sorry that the photo is so dark, but what to do?)

Then my hubby took me out with some friends for a lovely pool-side dinner, and Joanna made me another chocolate brownie cake! Ai yai yai!



So this morning I went for a 35 minute run, road my bike 20 minutes back out to that pool, and swam 20 lengths back and forth! My own little mini-triathalon backwards!

What a blessing to have such loved ones around me, even if they do make me gain 5 pounds in one day!

God is good.

One tired mama

What a week!

Our internet's been down for 9 days (it just came back yesterday), and the electricity's been off for 4 days (not to come back anytime soon).

We've had the National Leadership Team here all week (see the YWAM Arua blog for update) which was excellent, but of course, we are now quite tired.


At times like these, in the midst of the challenges and exhaustion, I thank God for the 3 little wonders He blessed us with who (almost) always make me smile. No recent photos of Aidan, but I'll work on those for next time.





Kezi in her 'bling bling' outfit...a gift from an Indian friend.

























Noah and Kezi in their nursery school uniforms...Kezi's first year in school.

WFW - Training women in the prison community

What a privilege to share the Word of God with these women...younger ones, older ones...all wanting to experience the love of God in their lives. We are running an Alpha Course with these ladies in the prison community of Giligil, and witnessing first hand God's grace in the face of great difficulty.

Their situations are hard, their challenges many, but they persevere.

(For a recent update on this ministry, scroll down to yesterday's post "God is in their midst".)

Be inspired by other photos and scriptures for Word Filled Wednesday at the 160 Acre Woods.

God is in their midst

Krys (white lady) and Peace (black headscarf) lead a small group discussion



We're into our 3rd week of training on the Alpha Course with the wives of the prison warders at Giligil prison, and I'm struck by several things...


One is that, what I thought was a group of prison warders' wives turns out to be quite different. One of the participants is a prison warder herself, and three others are policewomen! Wow! Can you imagine the impact in the workplaces of these women if they begin to live their lives with Jesus at the center?!

Two, I'm humbled by the meagre resources of these women. I was feeling discouraged because my husband's bike had just been stolen the day before right out of our compound while we were at home! What with the financial crisis and related concerns, we were debating whether or not to spend the money to replace it.

But at the Alpha meeting, one of the ladies in my small group asked us to pray for the people living in the prison staff quarters...apparently the tin roofs are old and cracked, and during storms they can easily be ripped right off the houses. They all leak and rainy season is coming. Suddenly John's stolen bike seemed very trivial.


Cecilia makes tea for the fellowship time.

Cecilia passes around the tea to my small group.

Three, as a mom, my heart breaks so much more easily for the plight of other children. All of the children of the women in my small group were sick, and one boy threw up twice during the discussion time. It was amazing that the mother stayed to finish the discussion...she just cuddled her son and carried on with the meeting.

It hurt to see all the little kids sick, but what hurt more was watching this little girl playing in the dirt, just grabbing handfuls of soil and letting it run slowly through her fists while the wind whipped it away. I don't have a problem with playing in the dirt...my kids do it all the time. And this little girl was having a great time, but my mind ran to the playroom in our house, loaded with toys my kids hardly ever play with. They choose to play in the dirt, but this sweet little girl doesn't have a choice...she doesn't have a single toy to play with.

Four, another little girl broke my heart, too...I can't remember her name, but Krys Cassels, the other Western lady in our Alpha team, noticed there was something odd about her. After asking a few questions, she discovered the little girl has cerebral palsy. She's a year old and not even sitting up by herself. Her mother has no idea what to do for her, but thankfully Krys worked with just such children back in Canada, and was able to show the mother various exercises she could do to help the little girl learn to sit, and hopefully eventually stand and possibly even walk.




Finally, one woman's testimony really touched my heart. I won't relate all of it now, but I just ask you to pray for Regina, the woman in the purple top and green head scarf. She is a prison warder and helps dispense the medicines to treat the prisoners. She is also HIV+. She has been on ARVs for the last 3 years, and has seen tremendous improvement in her health, but life is not easy. I'm thankful that she has the peace of Jesus in her heart, and seems serious about following Him.

I look at these women and the challenges they go through and I praise God for their tenacity. I also pray that they will have a living, intimate relationship with Him that will surpass the hardships of this earth, and that the joy of the Lord will be their strength. I know He is with them.

Do you live beyond yourself?

One thing I love about being a woman is the social part of our nature.

We just love getting together! Any excuse for a gathering, and we're there.

Throw in some food (chocolate in any form) and off we go. We are made to gather. We can't NOT gather.

Our women's Bible study group meets weekly to study the Word, but we also meet for Ladies' Nights, birthdays, holiday celebrations, farewell parties, etc. etc. Like I said, any excuse for a gathering and we're there.



But this weekend was special. For the first time in the history of the group, which has changed over the years with the comings and goings of life on the mission field, we had an overnight retreat to kick off the start of our next study, Beth Moore's 'Living Beyond Yourself'.

Although we live in the remote, northwest corner of Uganda, we are blessed to have White Castle... a nice resort just out of town with a swimming pool, conference room, and lovely gardens. This was our venue for the retreat, and in true 'make the most of it' fashion, we all headed out early Friday afternoon to swim and play before the 'work' started.

Of course, we had to have a toenail painting session...






Joanna, (missionary with World Gospel Mission and expectant mother hugging me), had organized the whole thing, including games, songs, snacks, accommodation, prayer partners and the devotional aspect of it all. What a woman!








And God was with her! My roommate, Katie, is me in a different body...we are so alike it's scary. We even discovered we have the exact same mobile phone, same color and everything, and not only that...but we have the same ring tone! How bizarre is that?!

Katie is such a blessing and a breath of fresh air in my life, although she is a bit paranoid about creepy crawlies. We discovered this cute little tree frog in our room, and I was forced to catch it and take it outside, or Katie swore she wouldn't sleep the whole night.

Another divine partnership God set up through Joanna was my prayer partner assignment. Susanna is from Spain, with a strong Catholic background. She's been through a rough patch the last few years, but God's been with her and she's now on firmer ground. As we were sharing our prayer requests, I heard God say to me, "Your heart has always been in Spain, and for the Spanish people, but you've followed me here to Uganda. Since you can't be in Spain, I have brought Spain to you. If you were in Spain discipling people, this is what it would look like."

I was blown away. Truly God can do all things. A sense of His awesomeness and deep love for me overwhelmed me and the tears started to flow. Why would God bother to meet that small desire in my heart? Because He loves me.




And as we start this Beth Moore study, looking at the fruit of the Spirit and whether or not we are really living beyond ourselves, I am expectant for more revelations of God's great love for me. Just the fact that He gave us His Spirit so we could partner with Him and do the impossible...that we could actually live beyond our own ability because it's His power in us that will accomplish the work He has started...that alone should send us to our knees in awe and reverence. This great big God loves us so much that, as He calls us, He gives us Himself to help us do what we could never do alone.

One thing Beth said in the DVD made me think: "If you're not attempting to do something that is even slightly beyond your human ability to do, than you're not really living in the Spirit."

Hmmm...how many times have I said or thought, "I can't do that," and turned my back? Of course I can't do it...God's not asking me to do it...He's asking me to do it WITH Him, and we can do all things through Him who strengthens us. Wow...think on that for a bit.